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Parents who have disabilities are determined to help their children lead lives like their peersAs far as Leo Chen Ian and Cassandra Chiu are concerned, there is a solution for every setback.儲存倉 And both have never shirked from being hands-on parents, despite their disabilities.Mr Leo, 39, may not be able to run after his two sons, aged seven and five, in a game of tag in the garden of their semi-detached home in the Portsdown Road area. But he can do riding on a motorised scooter to chase them.Mr Leo, who is married to paediatric occupational therapist Anita, 39, has cerebral palsy, which affects his movements and makes him walk with a "robotic gait"."It's not the things I can or cannot do. It's about doing them differently," says Mr Leo, who runs his own philanthropy and advocacy consultancy, and a past president of The Disabled People's Association. When the family goes out, dad hops on his three-year-old motorised scooter, flanked by his sons Ivan and Aan on their skate scooters and with mum walking along. They take the bus, train or cab. Asked what they think of their father's condition, both boys shrug and say: "Nothing."Mrs Leo says: "With Ian, you forget that his legs are weak. It has never been an issue with the boys because we don't make it an issue."Neither has the care of the boys been hampered by his condition. Mr Leo has been hands-on with the children since day one, changing their diapers and bathing them.Certainly, he and his wife had help: After Ivan was born, they moved into his parents' semi-detached home in Serangoon Gardens from their apartment in the vicinity. They lived there till Ivan was about three and Aan was 21 months old.But Mr Leo stresses: "It was not because of my condition. It was because we were first-time parents who needed lots of help and advice - as any first-time parent does."My reason to share this is so that people out there, if they have a disability, will know that life is about making choices and opportunities. They can get married, have children and take care of them."Like Mr Leo, Ms Chiu, 34, who is visually handicapped, has personally cared for her daughter Kady, who is now seven. She cooked for, fed and read to Kady from when she was a baby. The psychotherapist says: "It's easy for a sighted parent to read to his child, and that's a big part of nurturing a young mind."Not wanting to miss out on this experience, she got friends and family members to read to her childhood classics such as Little Red Riding Hood, painstakingly describing each image. She recorded each reading as an MP3 file. "I then read to Kady, describing the pictures, as I heard them," says Ms Chiu, who is married to a print broker. "Even able-bodied parents are challenged in their daily parenting role and must find creative ways to solve problems. The challenges I face may be different, but the desire as a mother to nurture is the same."eveyap@sph.com.sgEarly lesson on independenceThe only thing that teenager Shawn Tan feels he misses out on with two visually handicapped parents is "never having a chance to ride in my parents' car".Other than that, his parents - Braille transcriber Wee Liam Tan at the Singapore Association of the Visually Handicapped and receptionist mother, who declined to be interviewed - have "never held me back", says Shawn, 18.Says the elder Mr Tan, 55: "We have our disability, but that should not affect his ability."Shawn, an only child, is athletically inclined. The chemical engineering student at Singapore Polytechnic is on the school's waterpolo team.He was also an avid badminton player during his days in Kheng Cheng Primary School and was in the StJohn Ambulance Brigade in Maris Stella High School.But he was not always so self-assured about his family. When he was around nine years old, he remembers "encouraging" his parents to skip parent-teacher meetings."I wouldn't say to them I was ashamed of them then or feared that my classmates would tease me because I would have to lead my parents around the school."I'd say, 'No need to go. It's troublesome for you.'"Mr Tan, who attended the meetings anyway, knew what his son was thinking."We told him not to be ashamed of his parents. We told him that if his friends teased him, to say, 'My father and mother cannot see, so what? I am still in school, doing what you are doing. I am better off than you despite my parents' condition.'"At about 11 years old, Shawn wondered if he would have to quit school and work to support his parents. He also thought he could lose his sight because "in science, you learn that some conditions are hereditary".His father assured him that their case was not congenital.Before he got married, he took a test at the Singapore National Eye Centre and it showed that his was a non-genetic case.His eyesight was affected from being born eight weeks premature. He has less than 10 per cent vision now.His wife, who is now in her 50s, lost her vision from complications after an infection in both eyes when she was a toddler.Mr Tan says: "If our conditions were genetic, we wouldn't have kids. Why bring a child into this world to go through our suffering?"They taught Shawn independence from an early age.They lived with Mr Tan's mother in her three-room HDB flat in Toa Payoh until Shawn was eight, so grandma could look after him.The two women saw to chores such as cooking and childcare while Mr Tan was the handyman of the house, changing lightbulbs or fixing loose window levers.They now live two doors away from Mr Tan's mother.By eight, Shawn picked grocery items at the supermarket for his parents. At 10, he could hang out the laundry, vacuum the floor and help his mother fry an egg.He was "unhappy" about not being able to go out to play, but understood the need to pitch in with chores when he was about 13.All said, Mr Tan wonders if he has given his son "maximum enjoyment". For instance, they hardly watch movies together.But he assures himself: "I may not have given him his wants, but I've given him all his needs."His son says: "I'm very thankful to my parents that despite their disability, they did their best to provide for me."Single mum is a 'superwoman'Housewife Fatimah Bivee, who had poliomyelitis since she was eight months old, holds onto tables and chairs for 迷你倉最平upport when she moves about at home.But the 50-year-old does not stay cooped up in her three-room HDB flat in Aljunied Crescent because of this.Four times a week, she gets on her motorised wheelchair and takes a 30-minute bus ride to attend computer and English-language classes at the Handicaps Welfare Association in Whampoa.She has been raising her two children, now 13 and nine, independently since separating from her husband four years ago. They are finalising their divorce by December.Although she has six older siblings, she does not want to "trouble" them as they have their own families. Instead, she rents out one of the two bedrooms in her flat, earning $600 a month.She also receives aid from the Society for the Physically Disabled and other assistance schemes for food vouchers, free textbooks and pocket money.Her neighbours call her a "superwoman" for taking care of her children - pretty much on her own - from when they were young, she says with a ready smile.When they were babies, Madam Fatimah made sure to bathe them herself.She says: "I put my girl in a pram, wheel her to the toilet, put her in a basin, bathe and dry her, and put her back in the pram. I might not have been able to carry my children about, but I could still give them lots of hugs."When she had to cook, she placed her older child, daughter Yasmin Begum Shanavash, on a mattress as she blended carrot and rice in the kitchen.Yasmin, who is close to her, also wanted her mother to be a playmate. At three, her favourite activity was having two mattresses on the floor and pretending to "visit" her mother by crossing to her side of the room.Madam Fatimah is working with the Society for the Physically Disabled to find a job in a couple of years so she can put her two children through university."They can still succeed in life despite my disability."She hopes Yasmin, a Secondary 1 student at Manjusri Secondary School, will become a television reporter because she scores about 80 marks for English. She also likes the idea of seeing her daughter on television.She fancies her son Mohamed Habeebullah Khan Shanavash, a Primary 3 pupil at MacPherson Primary School, as a engineer as it is a stable job, she says.Habeeb, as he is called, often accompanies his mother to the supermarket near their home.He is not bothered when neighbourhood children tease him about wheeling mum to the supermarket. "I don't care what they think because she is my mother, and I love her even though she scolds me if I come home late from school."Yasmin began mopping the floor and washing the dishes at eight. When her brother was born, she minded him when mum nipped downstairs to buy groceries.A small sacrifice, says the pleasant girl, compared to her mother's grit.She remembers her mum then manually wheeling herself to accompany her to MacPherson Primary School, a 20-minute walk away.She then wheeled herself home and back to school again to pick her up after classes. This went on daily for a whole year till Yasmin was in Primary 2, when she was taught to take a public bus back on her own.Yasmin says: "She went on the wheelchair in front of me. I remember trying to catch up on my short legs, behind her."Learning to read the cuesAt 23 months old, Joelle Wong is too young to ask questions about why her parents cannot hear. But when she turns five, dad Jimmy Wong, 34, and mum Jane Lim, 35, intend to sit her down for a talk.The couple, who have hearing disabilities, communicated with SundayLife! through a signing interpreter at their private apartment in Serangoon Avenue.Ms Lim, an assistant engineer, says: "It's normal for a 'coda' - child of a deaf adult - to feel embarrassed about their deaf parents signing, normally from the time they go to kindergarten."And she may feel she does not want us to go to school to meet the teachers and so on."She learnt about this behaviour from other parents with hearing disabilities.Mr Wong, a corporate development officer at the Singapore Association for the Deaf, says: "But we will have to tell her to accept and not blame her deaf parents for being who they are."Ms Lim was born profoundly deaf - she can hear only very loud sounds with a hearing aid. Mr Wong, who became severely deaf from the age of two due to unknown causes, can hear loud conversations if he is facing the speaker. Both are the first in their families to have the condition.The couple had Joelle tested twice for her auditory functions - once at birth at Mount Alvernia Hospital and another time at the Singapore General Hospital nine months later. They do not think further tests are necessary.Ms Lim says: "Naturally, we worry that our child may become deaf. If she does, we have to accept it and do our best as parents to raise her well - the way our parents did for us."Mr Wong adds that medical tests to detect a child's hearing problems are better now than 10 years ago. Problems used to be detected later in life.When Mr Wong and Ms Lim are working, a nanny looks after Joelle.Ms Lim's parents and younger sister live with them, but the Wongs have been hands-on, if not more attentive, than hearing parents, from day one. Mr Wong says: "We sign daily with her. We use flashcards to teach her words for milk, sleep and so on."When she was a baby, the couple trained their eyes on her mouth to understand her cries. Rounded lips meant she was hungry while pursed lips signalled she wanted a clean nappy."When all else failed," adds Mr Wong with a smile, "we smelled to check."All this groundwork means Mr Wong and Ms Lim are more likely better able to communicate with Joelle than his parents did with them.Communication was a "problem" when he was young, says Mr Wong, because his parents signed little. Ms Lim's parents, who also have a limited command of signing, took her to a speech therapist when she was five and she learnt to lip-read, though not 100 per cent accurately.The discipline of Joelle is a "different challenge". Ms Lim says: "When a child throws tantrums, a hearing mother immediately speaks to stop her from doing so."For me, I have to sign to her fiercely to quieten her down. It's difficult because Joelle doesn't get to hear a voice with a fierce tone. She must see my body language, such as a fierce facial expression, to understand."迷你倉